101 Get-a-'bout alley...

Dylan Moran on a good roll on Alcohol...

Go 'head, do my cheesy bloggy thing...

Erotic Thriller

You've made your own rules in life - and sometimes that catches up with you. Winding a web of deceit comes naturally, and no one really knows the true you. Your best movie matches: Swimming Pool, Unfaithful, The Crush

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

New 101 Guide

Not For Tourists: Los Angeles
I yanked this at Borders from their bargain bin. It is a great guide and it’s goin’ on the list. Do they have one for San Fran? For Portland? Atlanta? Can I help write one?

A fine study of smoky things..

My Atlanta-buddy Tony continues to crank out a painting a day. This one is quite apropos for hangin’ on the alley-wall:

The South Could Rise Again...

If only they'd allow the Original Recipe...

Re-locators Remorse

If'n ya' ever dare to travel that Highway 10, from my beloved South to anywheres west... and you actually have to scratch to wanna' hire movers for your junk: You will lose both...if you use the Metropolitan Movers company,
they done stung too many pilgrims, too many times.

Print, Memorize and Burn...

You know, I get hit up a lot about my social obligations. Some come to me with questions. How do I juggle? How do I keep up with them? Why do women put up with me?

I am submitting the abbreviated list of tools, then I’m done.

#1, Luck (and luck is what you make of it)

#2, Time Management System (I use Franklin/Covey) You have to schedule and honor the buffer time between dates. Don't play it close. Buffer time must be spent tailoring your little world, and setting the stage, to giving the next lady a good time. An entertaining time all about her, that's what any skirt wants (initially).

So,
...If you slam two encounters with different Dames, or more, dangerously back to back,
...if you leave remnants of your last date lying around the apartment,
...if you fail to shower between dates,..
-well, you know the obvious pitfalls of this,  But if you do these things: I must write you off as either a greenhorn, or, a misogynist.
So if it's on purpose, It's just mean, and it doesn't make you look like a man. <scratch that> Boasting of this type misogynistic behavior DOES make you look like a man, to other men, but this post is not titled "So you wanna' date Andrew Dice Clay?"

#3, Dispel the myths, here they are....

• Myth A) Men are hornier and want sex more than women.

• False- Women are more sexual than men. Oh, don’t believe me? Think:

Men: Sex = Lust + Mechanical, it can happen anywhere, anytime. It ain't nuthin' but a surge. It's a 4:23 minute pop-song with a familiar hook.

Women: Sex = Comfort + Intimacy + Romance + Life mate + Lust + Mechanical, etc… So much of the female psyche has sex woven inside as a consummation, a test, a symphony soundtrack to their lives. Sex is ongoing in the female mind, it just has alot of different movements.
Why else would most women need to pour through chapters of the climactic, trashy romance novel in order to get off,  ...and most men simply need one photograph of their fetish to hit paydirt?
You accept the fact that the way to a womans favor is by being generous in bed, you’re set. Be a “two pump chump” on your own time.

• Myth B) Women just want to tie you down, marry you, control you.

• FALSE- Men want to control women. Men indirectly shackle themselves down by setting parameters on what they want from the women they sleep with. Box women in and they will drag you inside with them.

Give a woman her freedom, don’t judge her, be nice. Let go of your boyish expectation of what she should be. And know this; you should never bring up any other lovers you might currently have, even when you have “the Talk” (you know, the “I don’t want to see anyone else but you” talk) She really doesn't want to know that the reason you can't grab a movie on Thursday night is 'cuz you promised some other dame dinner. (alright, I'm already off topic, I could side-advise you all night)

Lastly, #4 (If resolved on #1 & #2), If you juggle, This will be your grocery list:

• Condoms
• Viagra (take no more than ½ a pill, unless you’re over 60)
• Astroglide
• Back Pills
• Protein shakes
• Scotch

PS. Try to get a lot of sleep
...All Quite Simple, eh?

Here ya go boy...

Pop quiz:

So you woke up today half-hungover with a backache. Ya’ squint your eyes through the sunlit haze of your apartment to focus on the reason for the hangover. Two empty bottles of wine. Something rustles like a lazy cat in rollin’ in the leaves and asks with premature morning perk, “whaddaya’ got for breakfast? I’m starving…”.  The voice is female and the mystery of the backache is solved.

On a drag-assed inspection of the kitchenette you find expired non-fat milk and half a box of Captain Crunch.  This is not the work of the great romantic strategist who orchestrated such effective woo on the wanting Venus last night. This is just the poor planning of a drunken fool, what a difference the crack of dawn can make. You toss her the box, “got no milk.”

What’s the remedy?